Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
