FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
