If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I wear drunk well.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
