Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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