true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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