Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
