I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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