yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
