If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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