can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
