ugly people sure do ruin things
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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