It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
