its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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