The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
