Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They are going to name an STD after you.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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