She said her name was "party"
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
