i wish my penis had a tongue
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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