I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
