I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
