Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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