Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
