oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
