My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He better not be in your backpack
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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