I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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