Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
