I wish I could teleport
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
