This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
