Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
