Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't turn off my feet"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
