you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
