Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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