i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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