Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
