Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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