I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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