I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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