you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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