yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
