There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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