I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
