My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
