True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
