That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
