He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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