I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
