just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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