I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
