I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
