I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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