Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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