Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
